late!

I HATE being late, my dad used to be in the navy once and he too hates being late. He hates being late so much that he's method of reading the clock is different from everyone else (meaning - if it's 6 o clock, he would say that it's 7!)! And yes, a fruit cannot go much further than the tree (unless if a farmer picks it up and sells it to COLES). Anyway, I hate being late too. I'm always scared to be late, even to the point of paranoia. And I think a little bit of my dad passed down to me too, I often give .5 hour extra time to reach the destination that I'm going to (just in case anything happened in the middle), so that I won't be late.

Now, a few weeks ago was my trials of Deaconess. If you don't know what that means (it means differently for different denominations too, just to add to the confusion), just think of it as a position for female who is teaching the Bible in the Prezzie church (only to women and children). Now, for my trials, I had to go to a church that I've only been to once which is the week before.

So, I've calculated the estimated time and added 30 mins extra just so I can be there on time, or early for that matter. Because I wanted to re read the prayer and practice again, I only did a brief prayer in the morning (thinking that God knows that my heart is anxious at the moment, and practice is what i need more than talking to Him).

So I went and I arrived in the city to wait for the next bus that is going to take me to the place. For some weird reason, the bus was late....

I waited...

Waited..

Waited...

I arrived 5 mins early before the scheduled time, and the bus wasn't there

Until for the next scheduled time, the bus was still not there

Up to this point, my brain was about to explode, my anxiety level was at the top..

And the bus came

In the bus, I was a bit upset at God, I asked Him : "why now! Why did You do this now? Please don't let me be late, it's not funny!"

But quietly and gently God responded: "Why are you here for?"

He said : "Who are you doing your trials for? Is it for Me or for the Presbytery? Why do you want to be a deaconess so much? Is it for Me or for the Presbytery? Do you just do this because you have to or because of Me? Are you doing this for you or for Me?"

That question struck me. I didn't think about that. This morning, I rushed off and did not take the time to pray because I thought I knew what was in my mind, what's making me anxious, and I thought that He would excuse me because of it.

BUT it was EXACTLY because He knew that He did not excused me for it. He knew that I was anxious because I did not trust Him, He knew that I was anxious because I feared men more than Him, He knew that I was doing this for myself. He knew that I trusted more in my efforts than in His sustenance and providence and grace.

So God made the bus late

He made it late so that I would listen. And listened I did. And it was exactly what I needed

Thanks to that I repented and I prayed. Strangely enough and yet to be expected, God graciously gave me peace that surpasses all understanding. He not only gave me peace, He reminded me that He will be there besides me when I do this, giving me the right words, the right method, at the right time so that I would do well. NOT because of my worthless efforts but because He is good and He loves me.

I want to share with you a beautiful story told by Jesus:

‎"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6